The controversy of ADHD and ADD, and how to treat it has been a major issue over the last ten years. As more and more children were being diagnosed and medicated, many doctors and parents became concerned and rightfully so. There were way too many kids being put on medication way too easily. But now we are beginning to see a back lash where parents refuse to consider medication for ADD, and again, it only hurts the kids involved. As an experienced teacher, it has become fairly easy to discern when a student is simply undisciplined and when he or she truly has an issue with ADD. Its the latter that has me the most concerned as a teacher. Being a parent myself, I can definitely understand the reluctance to put a child on medication, but when all events with your child indicates that this may be the answer; then its time to face it and work with your doctor to help your child.

The first thing I want to make entirely clear is that I AM NOT A DR. I am simply putting my own observations out there and hopefully it will help someone. When a child truly has an issue with ADD they have no control over their actions, and much of the time are remorseful when they are impulsive or can't get work done because they can't focus long enough to do it. As opposed to the student who is lacking in structure at home which results in bad behavior, the ADD child usually has a pretty structured home environment and still struggles. This is when its time to explore more medical options. Why is it that parents don't hesitate to give their children medication when it comes to an ear infection or a sore throat, but won't listen to anyone when it comes to an issue like ADD? I have seen great success when the parent works closely with their doctor and the teachers to make sure there are no adverse side effects happening. With the medication students are able to function in school academically and socially; which in turn raises their self esteem. They finally can experience success, which is HUGE! Of course, this takes some work.

You have to be observant, willing to keep up with Dr. appointments and be consistent with your discipline. However, the benefits far outweigh the work that is involved, especially if it means bringing some peace to your home and your child's school situation. That being said, when a parent refuses to consider the option and won't listen to their Dr and the child's teacher, sadly the child is the one who suffers. A true ADD child will not benefit from being yelled at and told to "control" themselves. They can't. And if your child's teachers are telling you that it is not an academic issue and that they truly believe the child is trying; its time to take heed. My children are both under the age of 5, so I haven't had the formal school experience with my own yet. However, being on the other side as a teacher, I can really empathize with both the children and the parents. Its awful to watch your child struggle and feel like there is nothing you can do. Or ever worse, the horrible guilt we as mothers put upon ourselves. But you have to realize it is not your fault-it is nothing that you did. Just like if your child gets a case of strep throat it is not your fault; the same goes if your child is diagnosed with ADD. What is the fault of the parent is when you ignore it and allow your child to flounder.

We have to find the balance. We can't go the other way and refuse to treat the problem, just the same, we can't go over board and "just give the kid medicine." Parents need to work with Doctors, teachers, counselors-anyone they can get reliable information from and make informed decisions when it comes to the issue of ADD. What I do know for sure is that ignoring the problem won't make it go away. And worst of all, the one who is harmed the most is the child and that is exactly the situation we should all strive to avoid.

To Move or Not to Move...

So I sit here on a Sunday night. Watching tv with my son, getting ready to put him to bed, thinking about the day ahead of me at work tomorrow. Since both my husband and I work full time we have always had to send our children to a sitter during the day. I never wanted to put my kids into an institutional daycare, and I was fortunate enough to meet a parent who watches children in her home. I met her 6 years ago when I had her daughter in my class. She was my lead room parent and she was great. This was two years before I had my own kids, but I knew she would be the one I called when I got pregnant, and I did.

For the first three and a half years things were wonderful. She worked with us through some really difficult situations. My son was a biter and my daughter refused to take a bottle; and she handled these situations beautifully. She would have the kids dancing to music, completing art projects, reading books, and keeping the kids stimulated all day. But then things started to change.

The first thing was actually brought to my attention by my husband. When he dropped the kids off in the morning he noticed that she was standing out at the bus stop with her son, leaving a bunch of babies and toddlers inside by themselves. Hmmmm.. that was weird. But I let it go. Then she started redecorating her home, which in itself was not a big deal. Actually I thought it was a good thing, until she took all of the toys and books from her upstairs and moved everything into her unfinished basement. And had the kids down there instead of upstairs. Again, we had been with her for so long and the kids liked her so much, I overlooked it. But the last straw for me was when she moved pack and plays down there and started having the kids sleep there. And one day my daughter had a really weird poop that smelled like cigarette ash(no one smokes at my house, my sitters husband does), which to me says she probably ate something, which means she wasn't being watched as well as she should have been. Now I was upset and I called her about it. Of course she denied that she ate anything, but I know that couldn't be true.

I finally got up the courage to talk to another mom who also brought her kids there and upon some discussion, we realized that things hadn't been great for the last six months. I was really disappointed and upset, so we both decided to talk to her. We both laid everything out and needless to say she was really upset. She changed everything back. No more basement. No more bus stop. No more helping her kids with HW while the little ones were still there. But I couldn't help thinking she should have known better. And I should have known better than to overlook things. So in the mean time I started searching for another care giver. And I found one.

After a lot of thinking and discussion, we decided to move the kids to the new care giver. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. For some reason I am so incredibly sad. We had developed such a good relationship with our sitter. I had known her previously and the first three years were so great. And even though some weird stuff had happened, after I talked to her she made all kinds of changes. But in the end I just couldn't reconcile it with myself. I had to move my kids. So I made the call to her to let her know that my kids would no longer be coming to her. And it was AWFUL. She cried. I cried. And I feel completely drained. Just writing about it now is bringing tears to my eyes. And all I can think is why? Why am I so upset? I feel like I felt in HS when I had to break up with a boyfriend. I guess I keep thinking about all the years that we were there and happy. All the time she has spent with my kids. But were we friends?-no, not really. But yet I still have this awful feeling of sadness when I think about tomorrow and know that my kids are going somewhere new. Even though I know it is going to be SO much better.

So we made the move. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. It was agonizing. But in the end, I had to put my feelings aside, the feelings of my old sitter and make sure that my kids are going to be in the best possible situation while I am at work. Has anyone out there ever had to make a decision like this one? How did you handle it? Was it as heart breaking for you as it was for me? Because when it comes down to it, this whole experience has been awful and I just hope we are doing the right thing.

Things I Would Never Do.....

Before I became a mom, when I was "just a teacher", I had many different thoughts and views about what I would do as a parent. How I would behave , what I would do when I was a parent, because obviously I would be able to "do it right". Looking back on those days, I can honestly say to myself I must have been completely delusional. Because then I had my son, P-Dog. He's four now, and I have to be on my toes everyday with him.

With him I experienced the joys of post-partum depression, which I was sure I would NEVER struggle with, colic, gas; and then as he got older, biting. That was when I really ate my humble pie; which I will address at a later date. My point here is that everything that I thought I would do was basically thrown out the window once I had this little creature enter my life. And one would think I learned my lesson with "knowing", but of course I didn't. I got pregnant with my second and we thought we had it down. The second would be SO much easier because we "had already been through this. Oh, how wrong we were. Enter my daughter, Boe-Boe.

How different can two kids be? Well, as a teacher you would think I would know this, right? WRONG! Its one thing in a classroom. But when they are both in your house it just throws everything topsy turvy in ways I never imagined. Either way, life in our house is always crazy, but I still love it.

How does this relate to my life as a teacher you may be wondering? First, I have a totally different take on the conference thing. Before I had kids I had this idea that things always had to be positive. Now that I'm a parent myself I look at it a from a different perspective. Do I still think there needs to be positive-yes, of course. However, I think I am more to the point. I am less likely to sugar coat. Why? Because as a parent I want to hear the honest truth from my kids' teachers. Sugar coating won't help make the situation any better. Again, more on this later.

Second, I now understand why parents get defensive when their kids do something "wrong" or if there may me something "wrong" with their child. This is a hard thing to face and you can't help but to feel that it could be "your fault". Ie-having a kid that bites! But again, being on both sides of this issue-as a mom and a teacher, I have a unique perspective on this. Some things ARE our fault as parents, others are not. The trick is figuring out which is which and dealing with it appropriately.

I know this seems a bit general, but as my first blog entry, just want to get myself going in the right direction.

So things I thought I would never do...I thought I would never have a child who bites or blame myself if I did. I would NEVER get depressed after having a baby. I would never get defensive about my children. I would never have a child who has a tantrum in public. I would never be nervous about a parent teacher conference. I would never let my kids sleep in my bed. I would never breastfeed past one year of age. Oh god-I could go on and on and on....Aren't we all perfect in our 20s?

In my future blogs I will address these issues and personal experiences as both a mom and a teacher that have been learning expereinces for me and maybe will become learning experiences for other moms out there.